Thersites Writes

A Heavy Metal band wins Eurovision, and the Grauniad can barely hold back its contempt.

Seriously, though, since when did such a pack of vain, overpriveleged tossers wield such influence anyway? If you're not 'cool', by Grauniad/Islington standards, then you're scorned by everyone else.

If you don't believe me, look at the charts, the music mags, TV, the radio. They all echo the Grauniad line, whether it's a taste for cheezy crap pop, inane indy or a patronising 'pat-the-ghetto-on-the-head' love of Hip Hop. While we claim to be a 'classless' society, it's class as in good taste and self-determination that's been lost.

We still all secretly yearn to be told how to think, what to wear and what to buy by whom we consider our social betters. This consensus dates back to the time when British music stopped selling abroad and started becoming an onanistic chat between guffawing twats in moptop haircuts who all go to Oxbridge and then put on Mockney accents to get on television.

And like all elites, the Islington Twats can't bear to be challenged. Lordi's win and the 12 points the UK gave this band got the Guardianistas puking - how dare those kitsch peasants in their semi-detached houses and second hand cars vote for this squareness? The Grauniad can't bear to take criticism on its blogs from readers - that's usually a sign that they can't see others as anything other than subordinates. The Guardian's centre-left politics lets you enjoy feudalism's benefits with a dash of guilt in lieu of absolution, just like how the Catholic Church used to let off all those depraved French aristocrats.

But here's a radical idea. Just love the music you really like. Fuck the NME, fuck Alex Petridis, fuck those twats who think you're a joke 'cos you don't frog march to their Horst Wessel theme of listening to what you're supposed to and not what you like. Listen to Heavy Metal! Jazz! Bolivian pan pipes! Elevator music! Bird song! Tatu!!!

Or as Lordi put it, "Would You Love A Monsterman?" If so, you can love your record collection too.