April 29, 2006
Labour's Slow Lingering Death

Before I go into the details, here's some stark data. According to this YouGov poll, if there was a General Election tomorrow the once-mighty Labour government would be out on its arse and there would be a hung parliament in its place.
How did this come to be? Apart from having an utter twat for a PM who's married to a delusional, parasitic old hag of a wife, there's so much more.
That swollen sack of sewage, Charles Clarke, wants us all under state surveillance but still lets rapists loose on the street. And while all the muppets voted Labour last year in order to protect the precious public services, Patricia "Best Year Ever" Hewitt has promptly screwed the NHS and been booed by the staff for her pains..
Speaking of screwing, morbidly obese token prole, John "Three Shags" Prescott has not only been knobbing his secretary on the side, but also - if the rumours are to be believed - lounging on the casting couch.
In a week's time, we'll see how badly Labour has done in the local elections. In the meantime, why not smoke some 'Reid', Maaa-an.
April 21, 2006
Labour Spivs Spend 7K On Old Hag's Hair

So, Cherie Blair needed £7,700 to keep her hair styled during the General Election? Still, according to one of the party's press whores, they won so that's OK...
Ooh?
I guess if John Prescott dug up a corpse and shagged it in Leicester Square, that would be OK as long as it was part of the election campaign. Then again, Blair's been doing that since 1980 when he married the floppy faced mutant, so it's hardly setting a precedent. If anything, Tony The He-Whore likes 'em rough.
And as an aside, the Australians have a phrase for a waste of money - "Silk Shirt On A Pig". For some reason, that seems really fitting here.
April 12, 2006
Loooo-ny!!!

The Grauniad keeps such delightful company these days. I JUST LOVE being equated with a rapist 'cos I read Razzle...
[Catharine] MacKinnon thinks consent in rape cases should be irrelevant. Women are so unfree that even if a woman is shown to have given consent to sex, that should never be enough to secure an acquittal. Why? "My view is that when there is force or substantially coercive circumstances between the parties, individual consent is beside the point; that if someone is forced into sex, that ought to be enough. The British common law approach has tended to be that you need both force and absence of consent. If we didn't have so much pornography in society and people actually believed women when they said they didn't consent, that would be one thing. But that isn't what we've got."
What does she mean - how does pornography affect this? "Pornography affects people's belief in rape myths. So for example if a woman says 'I didn't consent' and people have been viewing pornography, they believe rape myths and believe the woman did consent no matter what she said. That when she said no, she meant yes. When she said she didn't want to, that meant more beer. When she said she would prefer to go home, that means she's a lesbian who needs to be given a good corrective experience. Pornography promotes these rape myths and desensitises people to violence against women so that you need more violence to become sexually aroused if you're a pornography consumer. This is very well documented."
Yes, all those Saturday nights watching 70s porn on Sat 1 - I had to be chained to a post in the yard afterwards! To take this argument to its logical conclusion, men are maddened sex beasts and women need to be protected from their wicked gaze and kept out of their grasp. Sound familiar? It's the basis of civil society - in Saudi Arabia. I wonder if MacKinnon would like to live there?
Still, the right has its nut-jobs too. If Dan Simmons is to be believed, we should stop worrying about minor issues like civil liberties or international law and other such trivia, 'cos the Muslims are coming! The Muslims are coming! Fwibble!
April 04, 2006
Good Neighbours Grass Each Other Up.

Despite the fact that it has been pissing down (in Winchester at least) for the last few days, it seems the South is due a hosepipe ban. And the government, ever keen to make this country even more paranoid and Belorussian by the day, is now encouraging curtain twitchers to grass on any neighbours who fight the system:
WATER companies are encouraging customers to report neighbouring “water hogs” as the hosepipe ban affecting 13 million people starts to bite.
Anonymous telephone or e-mail tip-offs are helping them to build prosecution cases against persistent offenders. One company is asking customers to file detailed intelligence about their neighbours’ water use over the internet. Offenders in parts of the South East could be fined up to £1,000 for sprinkling their flower beds or using a hose to clean their car...
...Under the name and address of the “irresponsible water user” they are asked to provide details of whether their neighbour is using a sprinkler or hosepipe or filling a swimming pool, how often, at what time of day, and for how long. A spokesman said yesterday: “We are serious about the need for everyone to conserve water. If we find that some customers blatantly waste water then we will take legal action.”
Now, first things first, this is open to abuse. Any arsehole with a grudge can get his neighbour into trouble by making false allegations about their sprinkler habits. Plus, given the volatile nature of the repressed English, isn't encouraging this sort of thing going to get some informant (or 'dobber' to use the Essex term) knifed?
Or it could lead to a Home Counties spin on the Cyberpunk genre, whereby renegade bionic gardeners fight the evil Japanese water corporations using high tech siphoning methods and cybernetically implanted watering cans. All you need is Morpheus approaching you and offering a choice between red and blue hoses or Case hacking into the Gardeners' Question Time web site and leaving hints on how to ponce off of next door's taps, and the revolution will have begun. The future being so dark, you need to wear shades and snort Baby Bio etc.
Never mind. Be pure. Be vigilant. Be sure to turn your taps off. We know where you live.
April 03, 2006
How British Polit(r)ic(k)s Works

A brief explanation: Tony is in No.10; Gordon is in No.11. Gordon wants No.10; Tony doesn't want to give it to him. Now read on...
i. Tony knows Gordon could cause trouble so makes a vague suggestion that he'll stand down soon. Honest. He means it this time. I, like, Swear To God and everything...
i1. Gordon falls for it yet again and saves Tony's arse once more, ushering in either another term for the Labour party or yet more pisspoor legislation.
iii. Tony reneges on the deal.
iv. He then stitches up Gordon.
v. Gordon skulks back to the treasury and broods.
vi. He then remembers he has no spine so, pretending he is cautious, he shuts up and puts up.
vii. Time passes...
viii. Gordon gets impatient.
ix. (See i-vii.)
Repeat ad infinitum ad nauseum until 2030 when they're both dead and Emperor Leo Blair I takes to the throne...
April 01, 2006
Blair's Bloody Revenge On The House Of Lords.

So, the Shitemaster has finally decided to finish the job and turn the House Of Lords into a full-on rubber stamp.
Of course, recent opposition to certain shit and deranged bills of late may have given the he-whore an excuse he needed.
He'll probably claim he is making the Lords more democratic, even though his plans will also neuter the upper house. It's just too easy to have a go at the 'toffs' just to whip up support from the dozy masses. Still, that's never stopped him before.
Does this make Blair a latter-day Robespierre? Indeed - both men are or were pious, arrogant twats who hid or hide behind rhetoric and 'vision' in order to do bad things or fuck everything up.
Both are good examples too of what Gustave Flaubert must of meant when he said that in every revolutionary there is a policeman. And, like Robespierre, Blair has wrecked havoc on the old order, only to bring chaos and greater tyranny in the end. Robespierre eventually came to a sticky end. Some say that's where Blair's going too.
The only question is, how much more damage will the little ponce do before he gets the chop?